scholarly_snape

10:13 am: Journal Entry
I've told my parents I won't be meeting with Lucius Malfoy quite yet. I don't think I've ever seen them so angry and disappointed, and that is saying something. Don't really know what good putting it of will do, I just know that I can't even think about the Death Eaters right now. There's too many other things to consider.

The meeting with Lupin was. Well. Fine, I suppose. Or perhaps not. I'm not a great judge of such things. When I got back half the house was waiting up for me in the commons room. I thought they'd all just start in on me, but most of them were just suspicious after they saw Lupin at the Slytherin table the other night. Stuck with my old story of him threatening me and made up some rubbish about cleaning the Astronomy Tower for detention. Doubt any of them believed it, but they can't prove anything just yet. It was a terrible lie. We'd been in class a day for pity's sake.

I really do have to be more careful.

03:53 pm: Journal Entry (after the feast)
Meeting Remus Lupin after lessons tomorrow. Merlin knows why. His idea. I only agreed to keep him from getting pulverized. Of course, now every member of my house is prodding me about it. I've had to tell them he was threatening me on behalf of Potter and Black. They're plotting something, naturally. They wouldn't be Slytherins if they didn't plot.

Last year I would've taken pleasure in watching Lupin get the stuffing beat out of him. For God's sake, I was the one who told everyone about his. Condition. Now all of a sudden I'm getting defensive?

In less than a week my parents are having me meet with Lucius Malfoy, former pride of the Slytherin house, about the . . . cause. They want me to begin preparing for initiation. It doesn't seem right. I make the decision, ultimately. I can start whenever I want. And this feels too soon. But rejecting a Malfoy will only cause trouble. The entire house would know about it in less than a day.

I feel very, very exhausted and a little ill.

11:15 pm: Journal Entry (written on train)
On my way back to Hogwarts at the moment. Despite the miserable summer, I find I'm not so eager to be returning. People are changing too much. People and things.

I don't know what I'm going on about.

Why does Remus Lupin insist on being nice to me?

04:27 pm: Journal Entry
I've got that awful, nagging itch that makes me suspect people have been talking about me. Don't know why anyone would be, of course. Unless the Potter-Black club is eagerly plotting means of torture.

I met with the acquaintace of my parents. He was a young man, and at the same time both very charming and very, very intimidating.

If one were to ask me, I'd say the Death Eaters are getting out of hand.

07:57 pm: Journal Entry
Received two charming letters from a Mr. Sirius Black, to which I responded vehemently. In the first he tried to convince me he was Regulus and taken with me. I might almost have believed it, but Regulus's grammar isn't quite as poor as his brother's. It was sickening nonetheless. In my return letter I mentioned the recent killing of a werewolf in the news, purely to bait him, of course. It certainly worked. I daresay I'll be having my nose broken on the train back to school. Wonderful, it can get even bigger. Nevermind that having it broken by father dearest so many times is the reason it's so big in the first place.

I also received a letter from Lily Evans, which was possibly even more startling than Black's love note. She was apologizing for . . . well. Encounters past. It seemed genuine enough, but for all I know it could be another prank. She is involved with Potter, after all. Gods, if there's anyone worse than Black, it's Potter. I hate to imagine what his children will be like.

But. I feel almost guilty about not writing back. My parents might insist that all mudbloods and muggles are unfit to live, but I don't care what they say, I'd take a mudblood Evans over a pureblood Black any day. Breeding obviously didn't save that family. Of course, this isn't just what my parents say. This is what I myself have said on numerous occassions. This is the belief that I am prepared to fight for.

And kill for.

I think.

Perhaps I could write her back. One word, maybe. Something that Potter and his gang couldn't tear apart too badly, should it turn out to indeed be a prank. I'll never understand how a person as intelligent as Lupin could spend time with that crowd. Lupin's a mudblood, too, come to think of it. Not to mention a werewolf.

Of course.

They'll want me to kill him, too.

03:36 pm: Journal Entry
I believe I'm going to be ill.

03:52 pm: Journal Entry
My parents want me to meet one of their friends tomorrow. More often than not they prefer that I remain in my room when they have guests, so I can only presume it's regarding the Death Eaters. I'm nearly old enough to be initiated. Perhaps they have some sort of screening process. An interview regarding how much I hate muggles; how riveting.

I'm not as eager to do this as I was a year ago. It's probably just the absence from Hogwarts. I'm sure the minute I return and am forced to deal with the same unbearable Gryffindor mudbloods I'll be ready to sign my soul over to the cause.

Of course, the cause itself if somewhat troublesome. No one's given me a straight answer as to what, exactly, I'd be expected to do. Do they want me to kill people? Even if they are muggles, I might have some minor discrepancies with murder.

Then again. It might end up being James Potter or Sirius Black.

04:04 pm: Journal Entry
My grandmother sent me a journal, having mistakenly assumed I graduated from school this year, so, for lack of something better to do, I'm writing in it.

It's not yet July and I've already finished my homework for the summer. I can't say I have the slightest idea of what to do with my free time. It's strange, being in a place where I both eagerly await the new school year and dread it.

My father has been speaking differently to me lately. I suspect he wants something.

I wonder how long one can stay locked in a room with no food, water, or toilet.